"I feel like a ghost, walking around unseen in the backdrops of these other happy lives."
"Then why don't you reach out and touch them," my therapist asks.
"I do, but the interactions are always fleeting. Never lasting, we may share a laugh and then they forget about me. I know a lot of people, I talk to a lot of people, but I feel like nobody notices me. I go home, sit alone, and nobody ever thinks about me until I make my presence known."
My therapist shifts in his chair, rests one leg on the other and gazes out the window. I'm not sure if he's contemplating what I said, or figuring out how to word his answer. I don't hate the silence, I just thought therapist were supposed to have all the answers.
"Do you know who Carl Jung is," he asks me.
"No."
"He was a psychologist, a philosopher, many things. Anyway, he once said 'loneliness does not come from having no one around us but instead being unable to communicate the things that matter most to us,' what are your thoughts on that?"
"I think he's probably right, but that doesn't solve my problem."
"I think it does."
"How," I'm skeptical of his thinking now.
"You said you know a lot of people, you speak to a lot of people. How many times have you offered them any information about you? It's impossible for people to form bonds with you if you're just having small talk, and won't even tell them your favorite color. I'm your therapist, and I still don't know anything about you."
I suppose he's right. I don't tell people anything about myself, I'm too afraid of being judged. I don't want to lose the people who are close to me, even if they're not that close anyway. Sometimes I hide so much stuff, and lie so often I forget who the real me is.
"So, what now," he asks, breaking my thoughts. "Who are you?"
"My favorite colors are blue, black and gold. It's a tie. I really like movies. I'm bi. I've been single for two years because my ex boyfriend said I cheated on him. I didn't she wanted me to sleep with her, but I didn't. I'm still hurt by that."
"Alright, we just took the first bricks out of the walls you've put up. Now, let's work on building a door for others to come in."
