"You can never replace me," were last words to me.
They echo in my head all the time, almost as if I can't get her out of my mind. Truth be told, I could never replace her. But I didn't want to, she was filled with so much rage that anything we did turned into hate. I loved her, part of me still does. I check on her facebook page every now and then, just to see how she's doing. She's not doing to well, and I don't take pride in that. I didn't win the breakup trophy or anything like that. I just wish she was doing better is all.
She said I couldn't replace her, but it seems like she tried to replace me. A line of guys all that look like me, but none of them could keep her happy. The delicate walking on eggshells and trapeze walks I had to do, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Just praying you didn't scramble the eggs too much or too little, so the plate wouldn't be tossed in your face. I don't know if I was abused, but I wasn't happy living that life.
Still I think about all the things she did when things were going right. Picnics in the park, surprise movie nights, the best chicken casserole in the world. It wasn't worth the pain that followed. I should have known way sooner, but I didn't want to see it. I just can't shake her words. Maybe I'll never have as many ups with another person, but I won't have as many downs either.
I haven't been able to keep a stable relationship since. I found a way to be okay with that, after being together so long I have to figure out who I am again. I hope she can find happiness, because I'm trying and I don't think she is.
"You can never replace me," but maybe I don't want to.
