This doesn't make sense, I've run the current through the samples for twice as long as expected and nothing. There's nothing of use. The only reaction is this gas. The plants should have merged with the DNA by now. Nothing has come of it but this stupid gas, I can't grow a person from gas, this is ridiculous.
Matteus was always the real scientists of our little team. I miss him so damn much. We were going to get married and raise a family but all those dreams died with him. If I could just get this process to work, I could bring him back. He wouldn't be perfect, he'd be 40% plant but he'd be my Matteus. I can't take this without him. Life isn't fucking fair, he was in perfect shape. A stroke, a fucking stroke out of nowhere took my future away from me.
"You gotta let me go," I can almost hear Matteus speaking to me.
"I can't let you go, you were all I had," I respond to my own consensus.
"You've got tomorrow, we'll be together again one day," Now I'm seeing him. The gas must be making me hallucinate. I can still picture his slicked back black hair and almond skin that glowed in the light.
"How do I move on without you," I ask him, knowing I'm just asking myself.
"You do it one day at a time. One step at a time," he starts to fade as the fan kicks on and sucks out the air.
As the vision fades I'm left with just my memories and lab notes. It's been 17 months since I laid him to rest. Maybe I should be letting go. It's so fucking hard but I can't let him dictate my life in death. In life, I would have followed him to the ends of the earth, but I can't follow him right now. I just have to keep trucking. That's such a stupid phase but he loved it.
I take my plant samples to the incinerator and dump them in. I have to let this go. Next I delete my lab notes from the computer and empty the recycling bin. I don't want any way for me to pick up where I left off. I quickly scribble a note that I'll be back next month. I'm just going to take some time away from this lab. This lab we spent so much time in together. Maybe I won't come back to this lab, maybe I won't come back to any lab. I don't know.
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