Hey,
I'm writing you this letter because I love you. I don't know when I started loving you. It wasn't when we first met. I didn't even like you then. I thought you were annoying. A know it all who felt that you were better than everyone else. In reality, you weren't any better than anyone. You were probably worse.
Still, I fell in love with you at some point. It started with me just wanting to be around you. Maybe you were fun to hang out with. I don't think it was your face, you've got a face like a horse kicked you. You said that. It wasn't a lie. It was your personality. The more I was around you the more I fell in love with you.
We would spend hours staring at the moonlight together. Laughing until the sun came up with no real care about tomorrow. I think it was those moments that made me fall in love with you. Sharing our dreams and what we wanted to be when we grew up. Nobody had ever asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up in a serious manner. You actually cared about me and I thought it was so perfect.
I loved the way you laughed, the way you smiled and even you terrible jokes. I loved that you always fell asleep watching movies and had to finish them later. I loved how you never finished video games. I loved your art.
I know it's my fault we can't be together. When you told me how you felt I couldn't find the words to tell you I felt the same way. I hurt you. You moved on and over the last 6 years we drifted further and further apart physically and mentally.
I refuse to believe you never loved me. But, I know you don't love me anymore and that's just the way it'll be. I can't change that. I don't even know why I'm writing this letter when we haven't spoken in months. I just couldn't bring myself to call or text you.
I think it was seeing the pictures of you happy with someone else that broke me. I had tried to move on and put this in the back of my mind. Seeing those pictures just brought all these emotions to the front and I don't know what I want anymore. I guess I just have to keep going until I meet the right one.
Fuck, I'm sorry. I just had to say these things. I loved you. Part of me still does and I know that love will never be returned because I messed up. I'm not asking you for a second chance or anything. This whole thing is laughable, there's no logic behind this. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I hope you're eternally happy.
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You can purchase my novel Phantasmagorical on Gumroad for $2.99
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