A simple composition notebook left sitting on the subway. Pink, no markings on the outside but the bent spine and warped pages show its been used plenty before. The car was empty when I arrived. Whoever left this has been long gone. The paper rustles as I open the book and begin to read.
June 9, 2011
Matt is cheating on me again. I called the numbers in his phone. I should have known. Nobody saves the number for Taco Bell in their phone. Taco Bell doesn't call people. I was so fucking stupid. Why would you even need to call Taco Bell. I plan to end it this time. For real. I can't see a reason to keep going back to him. I've got everything planned this time. I'll pack everything before I call it off. I'll leave it all in my dad's car and when he gets back from work I'll let it him know I'm moving on. I'll get in the car and dad will drive away.
June 16, 2011This is like a soap opera. I've seen episodes of Jerry Springer less enthralling than this. The train comes to a halt and it's time for me to exit. Part of me wants to leave the diary behind so the owner can find it. But it's so good, I'll just take it with me for the night. Just skip ahead a little and drop it back on the train tomorrow evening.
I almost couldn't go through with it. He claimed I was wrong and he wasn't back to cheating. He was, I'm not stupid. I'm glad my dad was there. If he wasn't I wouldn't have had the courage to leave. I'm glad dad came in to get me when he saw it was taking too long. This chapter is over. I've revisited it way too many times...
July 2That's it. Thats the last entry. Yesterday's date is written but there's nothing left. I wonder what happened after that. I'll drop the notebook on the train on my way to work. Hopefully they find it and all is well. Really hope they don't go back to Matt.
Matt called again today. He wants me to come back. His cancer returned that's the only reason he wants me to come back because his cancer did. I went through it with him twice before and both times. I'm not doing it this time. I've just dealt with too much. I dont want him to die but I can't keep being obliged to a man that doesn't love me back. Mom says its not healthy. Dad just wants me to be happy. I'm barely making rent on my own but I'm actually happy. Maybe for the first time in a while. No that's cliche. We had happy moments for sure but it was 7 long years of downs with an up every now and then. I just couldn't take the lying and hurt anymore. This is best for me and it's best for Matt. He needs to learn to deal with this on his own. I can't keep...
